DISASSOCIATIVE

“I mean it’s really all about not allowing oneself to disassociate from ‘the self’, you know? It’s all about mindfulness.” Her pseudo-intellectual psychobabble paused momentarily, allowing the opportunity for her to pick up a large piece of wilting celery and chew it with her mouth half open.

Her jaw bone must be slackening after all the incessant talking. I think that and smile in spite of myself.  

I think that I might hate this woman. For no real reason other than her sheer banality. That and the fact that she used the phrase ‘mindfulness’.
She’s desperate for otherness, but she’s always been too mundane to garner any amount of attention or notice.

She tried for years to be something. Punk, feminist, anarchist, activist, but  she’s a coward without the courage of her convictions, so now she just sticks to seeking attention through her diets and how loudly she can speak about them.

She never hesitates to tell you how simply awful that sandwich is that you’re in the middle of devouring for your lunch, or how utterly fabulous her morning kale and carrot smoothie makes her feel.

I look at her for a long time. Studying the way her body moves, the way she over uses her hands when she speaks, the way she holds her mouth in an ugly curl to try and hide the black stain on her front tooth. I watch as her pentagram necklace (a hangover from her wiccan period) dances just above her cleavage as she pushes her lank mousy hair from her face.

 I begin to think that she is the single most unattractive thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.

It all becomes too much for me. The talking, the celery, her mouth, her hair, her necklace, they suddenly all seem magnified and she begins to look like a parody of herself.

I have to get out of here, so I just stand up, stare at her for a moment and walk away without uttering a single word to her.

 I leave her to foot the bill for my double chocolate mocha chino with caramel syrup and whipped cream. This makes me grin madly and as I leave the coffee shop, I burst through the doors and break into a run, all the while grinning and never looking back.