IMPASSE

I am at an impasse

Between heart and mind

Body and soul

I am floundering

In the depths of my

Own murky waters.

Where is my solace?

Where is my giant bear hug?

My words of solidarity or comfort?

Where is my 5am voice

At the other end of a telephone?

Where is my everything?

I tried to declare a moratorium

On all things pertaining to my heart.

But it didn’t work.

It keeps beating

And feeling

And never letting go,

Never stopping its

Constant rhythm of

Thick, blood lined emotion.

A distant heavy tattoo

On fleshy drums.

It’s no wonder I can’t tell

What direction I'm going in.

Steps forward

Steps backward

Steps sideways.

It’s all just steps to nowhere.

I console myself with cheap coffee

Cheaper movies,

And even cheaper wine.

There are no arms of respite here.

Here alone with my death

My breath

My lingering heart beat.

I am at an impasse

I am at war

I am holding on

And I am letting go

Stripped bare

To the bone

To my core

Beating,

Pumping

Rising

Falling

Reviling myself

In a body that’s slowly ending.  

VICTORY OR VENDETTA

Where the godless fear to tread.

That’s where I keep my heart these days,

Or at least my head,

Where no light gets in.

Where tumble down is a stasis

And chaos gives way to a stillness of the mind,

Havoc comforts

Inside the arms of madness.

Quiet calamity

Breaking softly at the

Foot of a vacuum

The breast of heart ache

The mouth of hungry anguish.

It chomps at the bit,

Waiting for the sound of the starting gun,

Waiting

Like my anger

Hallow and fierce

Standing in line

Emotional cannon fodder.

Blast a gaping hole through my psyche

Let me crawl through myself.

To walk in a straight line

Towards victory,

Or vendetta,

Or simply peace.